Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Plan B is the new Plan A
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
