He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Never joke about your clitoris.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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