Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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