Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
