It's Friday. Sex?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
