gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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