It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
