Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
