Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
