So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
