I think my fart just growled at me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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