He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
