Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
