i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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