so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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