YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
