How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
