Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
