I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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