I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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