shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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