she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
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