During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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