i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
