i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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