i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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