nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
