you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
