After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
