what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
