Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
