brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
