All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i think i just lost a toe
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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