I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
