I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
