Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
