Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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