How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
