morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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