she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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