so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
