On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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