a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
