It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
