Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
