3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
