piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
