Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
