2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
