there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize