I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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